About The Rake Noob Edition:
After two long hours of trying to outwit this gangly coward in a dense forest with everything from camera pigs to obscene language, I stumbled upon the ruins of its chalet up in a narrow mountain pass. There I found a sniper rifle, almost as if that’s what it was planning to screw me over with next. I took that sniper rifle and, that night, baited the creature into a barren basin at the foot of a hill where I shot it half to death as it ran around screeching in pain and baffled rage. It eventually fled back to my camp where it murdered my pet pig out of spite before I blew its face open ten feet from the treeline it was attempting to ambush me from. I had a wonderful time with Rake but you know, I wouldn’t have done if I didn’t have to suffer its outrageous failings first. If this was anything approaching a competent experience with well tuned mechanics, I’d have killed that yellow little freak in like ten minutes and forgot all about it. But I will remember this. I will remember the joy of plugging it full of lead from a hunting blind as it sprinted from one end of the hill to the other, wondering where its tactics had failed it. Sometimes to kill a monster, you have to play one. Actuality: During the summer of 2003, events in the northeastern United States involving a strange, human-like creature sparked brief local media interest before an apparent blackout was enacted. Little or no information was left intact, as most online and written accounts of the creature were mysteriously destroyed.
